Higher Purpose.

Are you serious about getting well? 

How many people do you see waiting around for a miracle? How long have you had the same condition? How many times have you climbed the same mountain? Personally, I know it’s like I’ve climbed the same mountain over and over again while expecting God to make some type of move in my life. I’d throw myself the biggest pity party — shaking my head, throwing my hands up like “why in the world does this keep happening to me!?!” But never once did I change the things around me. I’d keep doing the same things, expecting a different outcome.

God CAN, and will give you a vision — a higher purpose. 

Maybe you don’t have a clue? That’s okay. Neither did I. But I prayed for guidance. I told myself, God I might not have a clue. But I trust you. I trust you with everything in my heart to guide me through this life and to show me the will of you. God doesn’t want you to withdraw from him as you deal with your thoughts and feelings, he wants you to run to him. 

God will take everything that’s broken, and make it whole again. He’ll start answering those questions, those wants, and needs, and place you exactly where you need to be if you let him. But you’ve got to take the first step into the direction he wants you to go — stop letting the devil keep you climbing the same mountain, you can be everything your heart desires, with the right guidance. Humble yourself, and let him use you. Don’t let the devil use doubt and frustration to take your mind off the things that God has called you to do. Embrace the uncertainty, enjoy the beauty of BECOMING. Stop leaning on your understanding, instead trust God’s timing, it’s always right. 

Walking by Faith.

When I first got saved I was scared to step out, I was scared to spread the gospel and let people see who I was becoming. You want to know why? My past. The devil constantly reminded me of who I was as if I didn't already struggle. The constant battle was so real it was like having an angel on one shoulder, and the devil on the other one type of thing. It was exhausting. 

Every time I would go to speak about my new life with Christ, I would hear this little voice in the back of my mind whispering "who are you to talk to? do you not remember who you were?" And that little voice is exhausting but it's, even more, worse when the devil uses another person and they hit you in the face with the "that's not the Sarah I use to know" oh man, it hurts. Makes me cringe, but even I'm like talking within myself saying, what in the world were you thinking Sarah Mae! and for those few seconds, the devil had me exactly where he wanted me. 

Let me be the first to tell you, I have a past. WE all do. But God said in 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Jesus his son came to cleanse you, and me. There is no sin big or small, it is all the same in God's eyes. He loves you, he loves everything about you. He created you. It's impossible to type in words to show just how much because truth be told it's an abundant amount of love. It's the type of love you'll never find in this world but only through him, and what a blessing it is to say, I found the love and acceptance I longed for when I handed my heart over to him. I am not my sins. I am not my past. The first step to overcoming shame is to accept what cannot be changed. Do not let the devil rob you of a life that is redeemed and restored by the mercy of God. You can't undo what's already been done, but you can do the right thing from this point forward. Repentance was the first step in the right direction, and with the restoring power of Christ, I am walking by faith without being ashamed. 

So I'm here to tell you friend if you are someone who is dealing with releasing the past this is your sign to let it go. Let the shackles of shame fall off, you are so much more and God has much more in store for you. You are forgiven, and you are worthy of every promise God is ready to give you. Jill E. Mccormick says it best, "Your past does not define you. God's love defines you." I always loved that quote. Because it's so true. God loves you far beyond your understanding and the day you start accepting that is the day God will transform you and place you right where you need to be. 

With Love, 

Sarah Mae.  

She's a hard one to love.

She won't believe you when you tell her you love her. She won't look at you and think about love. She won't understand why you got her flowers. She won't text you first. She doesn't understand why you even try so hard. 

She would understand if you left. She never expected you to stay. 

She's not trying to be cold, but she just lost herself along the way. She lost that giggly feeling inside when you meet someone new. She misses the way she laughed so loud at a funny joke. She's not trying to push you away, she just doesn't understand how to let her wall down. She might like those flowers you set on the counter, but she'll never tell you that. You might get a smile but she's not trying to be rude, she just doesn't look at things the same way she use too. 

She don't have that sparkle in her eyes anymore because love doesn't look the same to her. She feels hurt. She's afraid to accept happiness because of being let down constantly. She gave up. Now, she's just numb. So please understand the girl you're fighting so hard for, hasn't had someone to fight for her in so long. She forgot how it felt to be wanted. She accepted the fact she was hard to love, and quit expecting people to stay. She thought it was okay to feel the pain she felt. She just quit trying to understand. She quit trying to figure out why love never was her thing, she just woke up everyday blaming herself. 

If you want that girl who's hard to love to stay, be there for her. Keep buying those flowers. Keep texting her good morning and letting her know you are thinking about her. Keep trying to find ways to make her smile because you have no idea how bad she wants to give you a chance. Keep giving her compliments, she's not felt beautiful in a long time. Give her trust, let her know you are there to listen not judge. Be her shoulder to lean on. Let her be herself, let her act silly and let her laugh way too loud and don't try to change her. Understand she's one of a kind and she just wants to be understood. She won't expect you to stay but she wants you too. She don't mean to scare you, because she's afraid of you too. When she's crying, don't be afraid to hold her because she wants to feel safe. 

She's not all that bad, really. She wants to be happy, she wants you to change her mind. She wants to feel normal again. She wants to know that she deserves happiness too. So please don't give up on that girl who's hard to love, she's trying. 

With Love, Sarah Mae